My Story about depression and anxiety

depression and anxiety

My story about depression and anxiety.

Let me start off by saying what your about to read is hard but it’s the truth that many people struggle with everyday. I want to make this clear I’m not posting this to gain sympathy or for people to ask why I never told them. This is my story and I’m sharing it because I hope this helps one person speak out.

Here’s my story..

Back to when I could remember I always felt depressed and had anxiety about doing things or going places. Clearly remember cutting myself on my hand because I liked the feeling. My mom ended up finding them and asking why? I’m pretty sure I lied.

My anxiety always stop me from going to events or family functions. I always had to mentally prepared. It got to a point were I would take natural pills that make you relax usually used when flying.

I always felt like I was the black sheep of the family. Part of me was always different. Along with the way people made me feel and the abuse at a young age. This is what most likely led to me depression and anxiety.

If your one of those people that say ” oh well you have to have a reason to be sad”. Oh do I wish I had one. I wish I didn’t have to deal with this or feel unworthy.

Maybe your saying to yourself ” oh well you have a great life, a loving husband a home and two healthy kids maybe you just need attention”. Well let me tell you as a 25 year old grown woman I don’t need attention but the little girl I use to be did from back and forth from Las Vegas to El Paso. Wondering why I never fit in. Why people would make me feel like being different wasn’t okay or that I was being too annoying and obnoxious. I need someone to tell me that being different was okay that being yourself was okay.

I don’t really care to talk about my abuse as a young kid. It’s just not something I care to talk about at this moment. I do have to say that if someone is abusing you in anyway please tell someone. Don’t blame yourself.

Let talk about suicide. ( if this is a hard topic for you to read stop here)

There was many times I wanted to commit suicide. The most recent was last year. I was ready I didn’t care that my kids were going to grow up without a mom or didn’t care about the pain I was about to cause. I was just done fighting the demons in my head. I wanted to feel normal. I wanted to be happy and end all the pain I was feeling.

There were days I had to get out of bed because I had two kids depending on me. Days so bad that my husband had to come home early to help me with them. He found me once crying in the middle of the night while I rocked back and forth. Depression isn’t just mentally it’s physical. My whole body use to hurt yet I couldn’t explain why.

I even left to California to spend a week with his family. I remember being on the beach and just sitting there taking it all in. I was finding a reason to live. Yet no one had any idea.

My kids and husband are the reason I’m writing this today. They are the reason I live and breath everyday. Do I have bad days yes of course I do. They are nothing compared to what they use to be.

My advice..

Not everyone needs to like you. If someone is making you feel useless or putting you done. Well let me put it nicely. F@&K THEM!
I don’t care if it’s family. First of all family shouldn’t treat you that way.

Talk to someone. If you wanna talk to me I’m here text me, email me , slide in to me DM ( obviously I can’t take anything serious)
No but in all seriousness talk to someone.

Something that help me with my anxiety. Was asking myself ” why do I care about this or what this person thinks”. The only person that should care is yourself. Do you like how you dress etc. then that’s all that matters. Love yourself and that self love will shine from the outside. If you don’t like something change it. Never stop growing and changing. Aspire to always be a better person.

Thank you for ready my story about depression and anxiety. I hope that more people start a conversation about this and not to be scared to ask for help.

 

 

 

Why I gave my kids a playroom

I finally gave in and I’m kicking myself for not doing this along time ago. Well we have always had an extra room with my husbands old bed in it along with random stuff. It was basically our guest room. I decided to move the bed in to Nolan’s room. We were already talking about how he needed a bigger bed because his crib was getting to small for how crazy he sleeps. Plus when we actually do have guest they can stay in there. Apparently no matter how nice or how big my kids beds are they rather sleep in our room.

I wanted a place where they can make a mess and I can just close the door. In all honesty they were taking over every single room and I wanted my house back. Not going to lie I feel like I was losing it every time I would step on a toy or I would would pick them up and not even 5 mins later they were all on the floor again. What is it about kids that like to make a mess in a clean area? I just cleaned the playroom for the picture above and I can hear Nolan dumping everything out. The best part is it’s not down stairs. I also incorporated a new rule no toys down stairs or they will be taken to the trash. You should see how fast they pick them up.

I decided not to paint the room and leave it as is for now because I didn’t want to worry about the walls having crayon or chalk marks. I do want to put a small couch and a tv for them since Nolan likes to grab everything that isn’t his in my room if I’m not watching. I’m pretty happy about the room probably more then kids. Now I don’t have to apologize for the mess my kids make when people actually visit. I just couldn’t take being behind them 24/7 to see what mess they were making. If you don’t have an extra room like us. Give them a specify area and get your sanity back. One thing I forgot to mention was I did clean out the toys before taking them upstairs.

Now that I’m the rightful owner of my home again. Hahaha. I been working on decorating and making things for it. Hopefully I will be posting some diys and decor ideas soon.

-sometimesagoodmomoftwo

Diy Fall Wreath

Diy fall wreath

Today on my blog I wanted to show you how to diy a fall wreath for around 10 dollars.

 

I actually wasn’t planning on making a fall wreath when I went to the dollar store. I was only going to find buckets to organize my kids toys. Then I saw the Halloween and fall stuff they put out already and got super excited!  Is anyone else ready for fall? I don’t think we have much of a fall here in Vegas but at least I can decorate my house right. I am looking forward to decorating for Halloween since Amelia is already asking when it is and telling me what she wants to be. Anyways backs to the diy..

Things you’ll need
– flowers
– sign (optional)
– glue gun
– string (to hang)
– burlap ribbon
– metal wreath
– scissors

 

I had grabbed some flowers, the metal wreath and burlap ribbon. The sign I got wasn’t going to be part of it but once I got home I realized 2 things. 1 I didn’t know where to put the sign since it’s kinda small. 2 I didn’t buy enough flowers. I loved the sayings on the sign and still wanted to use it.

I used my glue gun to glue the metal wreath to the sign. Then I took my burlap ribbon and wrapped it around the areas that where showing. If your wondering why I didn’t just wrap the wreath before glueing the sign it’s because I wanted the sign to be sturdy.

I just used my glue gun to glue the ribbon.

I took out all the flower off the stem. Be careful with some they usually come out easy but some of them didn’t. I cut the plastic behind them don’t cut it too short or the flower will fall apart. Then I just started glueing all the flowers to the burlap ( I forgot to take a picture of this process). I ended up adding the bow at the end with left over ribbon. I took some string I had and tired it to the window.

There you have it a nice fall wreath for less then $10. Btw this is my 1st time making one can you tell I totally winged it. Hahaha

Hopefully you guys like this diy fall wreath and try it out!

-sometimesagoodmomoftwo

 

How to paint a Geometric accent wall

How to paint a geometric accent wall

Things your going to need.
• Painter Tape ( a couple rolls)
• Scissors
• Sample Paint
• Roller of paint brush
• Gold Paint (optional) you can paint the color your want before adding the shapes
• Level
• Ruler
• PATIENCE

 

 

We decided to move Amelia rooms to our old guest room and put Nolan in her old room. I kind of just threw all her stuff in there and called it a day. I told myself that one day I would paint it and make it nice. Well months later I finally did.

I got the idea from YouTube. I remembered buying a bunch of paint samples from Lowes ( sometimes they have them on sale for 99cents). I had paint left over from other projects as well. I headed upstairs. No idea what I was going to do. Absolutely didn’t have any high expectations. I even texted my husband saying ” well if it comes out ugly I can just paint over it”.

So I started taping the wall. Creating triangles and different shapes. I measured some of them. I did make sure all my straight lines were leveled. You can say I basically winged it.

Then came the painting. This is were I wish I would’ve taken my time and seen what color was going to go where instead I took each color and choose a shape to paint. Again winging it. I think it worked out in the end.

 

I got this crazy idea that I wanted the tape lines gold. At first I was hoping I could find gold tape but then I found gold paint at Hobby Lobby. This was the hardest part! Painting the rest of the room with two kids while hubby was at work was easier then painting lines.

I had to tape inside every shape to have this clean lines. I used a craft knife and scissors to make sure the tape wasn’t covering the old tape lines.

Finally took my small artist brush and started painting. It took about 3 – 4 coats of gold to cover the green. The Hobby Lobby I went to only had 1 can left of paint but I wish I could’ve gotten 2 to use a small paint roller instead of the brush. I do have some touch up I need to do from the tape ripping the paint off.

Don’t forget to use a coupon at Hobby Lobby

In the end I absolutely love how it came out. The color combination is so girly and I totally wish it was my office ( currently writing this in her room because I love it that much).

Stay tune for other DIYS I have plan for her room and just in general. My mind is always coming up with crazy ideas ( my poor husband hates me..kidding) to change and add things to my house.

 

-sometimesagoodmomoftwo

Target dollar spot haul

Today we hit the dollar spot at Target. I was on the hunt for anything school related. Amelia starts pre k in less then a month so I wanted to add more things to help her learn at home.

I bought these to make a behavior chart for them they can earn stickers and at the end of every week they can get a treat or money.
These were a dollar each.
The letter magnets are a dollar and the other two are three dollars each
I loved this chore chart it was three dollars and the word builder was also three dollars
I got these for Nolan they had different flash cards and books for order kids
A dollar each to help Amelia with her writing. 

 

I got a bucket to put all this stuff in while I work on their learning area. I made a stop a Walmart too and ended up picking more supplies.

I’ll admit I went a little school happy but I love school supplies. Should’ve been a teacher.

I wanted to share their new chore and behavior chart. We are trying a new method (wish us luck). Amelia and Nolan will be able to earn stars and in exchange they will receive 50 cents for every star. They can either exchange the stars for a treat or save the money for a future trip to target. I know Nolan is a little young to understand but I hope he catches on. Never too young right?

Do you guys have a chore and behavior chart? Did it work for you ? Where else is a good place to get teaching supplies?  Let me know.

-Sometimes a Good Mom of Two

Our Disney trip with tips and must haves

 

Our Disney trip with tips and must haves

 

Today on my blog I wanted to share how we survived Disneyland and California Adventures with 2 kids along with some must haves that made everything easier.

Tips and must dos
1: Download the Disneyland App.
You can buy your tickets, check wait times, etc. it’s basically a map on your phone of where everything is located. We used it very often.

2: Get a hotel nearby.
We stayed at the Eden Inn Roc. Which was about a 10-15 min walk to Downtown Disney. The rooms have their own mini fridge and microwave. We really enjoyed their pool too. Would definitely stay here again!
https://www.hotels.com/ho217058/eden-roc-inn-suites-anaheim-united-states-of-america/

3: Go back to the hotel for a nap and lunch.
We noticed that if we went back to the hotel to rest by the time we got back some people were already leaving the park. Having lunch at the hotel helped with saving money.

4: Find a hotel with free breakfast. Our hotel didn’t offer this. So I bought a electric skillet and made pancakes in the morning. Bisquick shack n pour are life savers.

5: Don’t forget about fast passes.
We used a couple but next time will take full advantage of this on the most busiest rides.

6: Disney Jr Dance Party
It’s in California Adventures. Seriously this show was pretty awesome. This was on my must do for Nolan. He loves Mickey and the Roadster Racers it also had Sophia the 1st, Doc mcstuffins and the Lion Guard.

7: Get a Mechelada at the cove bar
They were really good!

 

OUR MUST HAVES

1: Camelback / water backpack
Hubby would fell this up in the morning with ice and water. It was easier then buying water or soda all the time. The kids love drinking out of it so next time I want to get Millie her own.

2: Double stroller / stroller
I found mine on offer up for $20. I loved it because it held a lot of things and the kids fit comfortable in it.

3: Led string lights (link)
This isn’t really a must have but I thought I would share. I put string lights on our stroller so at night it was easier to find and it helped with finding things we needed. Plus we got a couple people asking us where we got them.

4: Snacks and lollipops
They helped keep the kids busy while we waiting in line or while Nolan was sitting in the stroller.

5: Glow sticks
I went to the dollar store to get some. Once it got dark I gave them to kids in line so they had something to entertain themselves with.

6: Blanket
It gets a little chilly at night but this also helped when we watched the parades to have something to sit on it also created like a boundary for other people not to try to sit in front of us or too close.

7: tissues, wet ones and hand sanitizer
They came in handy to wipe their hands after eating a lollipop or before eating a snack.

8: Free Disney Buttons
Don’t forget to get your free buttons. I got Nolan a 1st time button and a Happy Birthday button for me. I had people telling me happy birthday all day long.

 

 

Even though it was super tiring walking so much I wish we lived in California because I’m pretty sure I would take the kids all the time. Seeing the excitement of meeting their favorite characters was so precious. Next time I want get a lanyard and trade pins with cast members.

 

Our matching shirts I made.

Nolan Meeting Goofy
Amelia laying in Minnie’s bed

 

-Sometimes a Good Mom of Two

 

 

Some links are affiliated.


 

Our review on the Kidoland App

Most of you don’t know that Amelia has a delay in speech so when internet design zone reach out to me to review their kidoland app I was all for it especially with her starting pre k this year.

Kidoland app is a education app where you can play games, sing along to nursery rhymes, learn ABCs and about animals etc.

I really liked that for Millie it was easier to navigate then most educational apps. For Nolan we would sit down and play with it together.

Millie said her favorite game on here is the chomping monster where you put together items for example fruit and then the monsters get to eat it. She also loves to color and trace letters.

Nolan loved listening to the nursery rhymes. He also learned how to use his finger to add fruits to their specific basket. We’re working on colors with him. So far he says purple and blue.

If you head to their website you can make cute name poems. They even have worksheets for you to print. We have a road trip coming up and I usually like to print some color pages for Amelia and put them in a binder for her to color.

In the end I highly recommend it even if you give it a try for a month. To me personally it’s so much better then letting them watch YouTube videos of who knows what sometimes.

Available for Apple and Android.

https://itunes.apple.com/app/apple-store/id533412119?pt=275891&ct=valeriebarajas

https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.internetdesignzone.nurseryrhymes&hl=en

https://www.amazon.com/KidloLand-Nursery-Rhymes-Educational-Preschool/dp/B00HFQBCEU

 

Disclaimer- I was sent a code to use the app in exchange for a review. My review is my own opinion based on using it with my kids and is not influenced by any third party.

 

Where we find books for cheap

The other day I was telling my husband how I wanted to make an area in our house where the kids can learn and we can read with them. Since Amelia will be starting pre k this year I want to make sure she has an area to learn. So I headed off to savers (thrift store) to find some more books to add to their collection. We found some pretty good books in great condition some of them actually look brand new. I do recommend not to take the kids so you have a chance to look at all the books but since I have no patience (insert eye roll) and rather struggle with Nolan then leave him home with his dad.

Did you know if you donate some used items you get a coupon for 20% off? Good reason to clean your closet out! Kids book are usually $1.29 and there also buy 4 get 1 free. We ended up paying $6 for 7 books (only 6 are pictured since Amelia took hers up stairs) Which I think is a steal! Definitely going to hit up another savers to see what other books I can find.

If you donate a bag of used items you get a 20% off coupon.
This whole wall is kid books

“The more that you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you’ll go” – Dr Seuss

I can’t wait to read these with the kids. I got so excited when I found the rainbow fish book. I feel like this book has been around for ages.

Do you guys have any other places you recommend to find affordable books? Please let me know down in the comments.

– Sometimes a good mom of two.

How to make a delicious summer pasta salad

Today on my blog I wanted to share my go to salad in the summer. I love having this with carne asada and grilled corn. I hope you enjoy this recipe and give it a try!

Things you will need:
-1 box of pasta (I used penne but you can use tri color rotini too)
– 1 cup of cherry tomatoes (sliced)
– 5 small celery sticks or about 2 cups
– 1/2 cup of green onions
– 2 cucumbers ( I ended up only using half of the 2nd one)
– 1 cup of Pepperoni (chopped)
– 1/4 cup grated Parmesan cheese
– 1/2 cup of zesty Italian
– 1/2 cup lemon juice
– 2 tablespoons chicken flavor
– 1/2 teaspoon salt (put chicken flavor before salt)
– 1 teaspoon of olive oil ( to cook pasta)
– pinch of salt (to cook pasta)

Loving this pink salt because you don’t need too much


First add water, olive oil and salt to a pot let it boil then add the box of pasta while that is cooking you can chop everything up.

Second in a big bowl add the cucumbers, celery, cherry tomatoes, green onion and pepperoni.

Once pasta is ready drain and let it cool down I usually add ice so it cools down faster. Then add it to the bowl.

Now you can add the zesty Italian and lemon juice. Go ahead and mix it. Then you can add the Parmesan cheese, chicken flavor and salt.

Remember you can always double everything and make two boxes of pasta. I always like to add some more things at the end if it looks like there’s not enough pepperoni or cherry tomatoes.

Adding pasta to boiling water with salt and olive oil.
1/2 cup of green onions
2 cups celery
1 cup cherry tomatoes
1 cup pepperoni I added more after
1/2 cup of lemon juice
1/4 cup Parmesan cheese
Everything was so yummy!

 

I wanted to add some pictures of the kids and Zoe having fun outside. One of the things I love about summer is grilling and making food while the kids have fun in their little pool!

– Sometimes A Good Mom of Two

Why we only want two kids

Let me start off by saying I love kids and sometimes I would love to have more. With that being said kids are a lot of work. Remember we are raising adults here. Here are some of the reasons we decided to only have two and why I praise people who have more!

– Giving our kids the attention they need. I don’t ever want my kids to feel left out or feel like I wasn’t there enough for them.

– Might I add kids are expensive. From when their born to when they finally move out hahaha who am I kidding. Eventually I’ll be spoiling the grandkids.

– We want them to play sports. This adds to kids are expensive.

– I want another dog hahahaha I had to add this because I’m dying to have a puppy.

– Nolan is like having two kids in one. Examples below.

Children are not a distraction from more important work. They are the most important work. -C.S Lewis

– About two weeks ago I had a stomach bug.  Hubby had to come home from work for two days. Not being able to take care of my kids and myself was the worse for me. It reminded me how I wouldn’t like being pregnant again while taking care of two kids ( I get really bad morning sickness when I’m pregnant).

– I am looking forward to when both kids are in school. I want to be able to volunteer in their classrooms and attend any events they have. This is a huge reason for me. Since my mom was a single parent she would often miss events in my childhood.

– I can win family of four tickets without having to buy an extra one. I’m totally kidding! Hahaha

– We want to be able to travel and do fun things with our kids. Like go to Disneyland and water parks.

– I hate being pregnant. Giving birth was the easy part Nolan practically walked out. I just didn’t like being sick and so uncomfortable.

– We would love to adopt! We are waiting for the kids to get a bit older to see what are options are I’m hoping we can give a kid out there a better life one day.

– Let me add that if Nolan would’ve been a girl we would’ve decided to try again for a boy.

I am no means saying you couldn’t do any of the above things with more kids. These are just a couple of reasons that justify our decision.

Sometimes A Good Mom of Two.